What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:12
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
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I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It was going to be , some day.
Was to survive, this bastard.
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Ive learnt so much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She married twice! .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it wasn’t much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So, i spoilt her more .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?
But, we were locked up after school.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why do people still think Michael Jackson was guilty?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
All the time i was locked up.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do almost all the girls on Quora look beautiful?
I was scared of men, in general
I was seconnd youngest,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Especially a lifetime of it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What did i know ?
I think the readers, may guess!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I could never make a relationship work though!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I said to her
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My family never makes their pension either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was 9 years of age.
This is soul school!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were not on the streets..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She loved him until the end.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I have no regrets .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Who then, do I blame.?
I write beautiful poetry .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She found it foreign!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
(And it was in our own minds.)
When she asked me how she looked .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He knew the spot.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I waited trembling.
And i lived it daily.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was in good health!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I will be 64.
One cannot live in the past .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im still living with it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Would this be the day?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My life is so biszare .
I never cut or harmed myself..
She wouldn,t have been !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Comes on , in middle age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Put me off passion for life!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.